When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
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I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize