shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
