not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
