My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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