dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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