Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My penis needs a shock collar
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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