It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
