im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
