at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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