I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
