Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
