come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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