I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
