Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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