Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
