butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
