if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
