Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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