I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
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He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
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Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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