Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
