Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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