remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
