Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
