Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
