The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
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I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
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No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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