im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
