I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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