Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
