WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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