Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize