It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
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I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
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I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
God, I missed his penis.
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