The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
