Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
