She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
