No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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