im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
