i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
