i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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