She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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