i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
where am i from again
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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