i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
