He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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