so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
