I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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