This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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