Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
