Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
