You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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