i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
