i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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