I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Redeem this text for a blowjob
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
