what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
