For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
