I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
