please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
