You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
