i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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