his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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