My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
