just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
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Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
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She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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