Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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