I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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