i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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