I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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