It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
