dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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