Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
