Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
