Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame