I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?