Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild