I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
