I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations