I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.