we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?