im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra