4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
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We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM