Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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