My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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