I'm so fucking centered right now
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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